Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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