Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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