see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
