do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
