I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
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So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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