did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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