finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
