I faked an abortion last night.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
