The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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