I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
