uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
