He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
