I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
