someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My feet surprised me
Randomize
