I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
