She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We're too hungover to prance.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
