I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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