I think I just saw someone hide a body.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
