highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
