Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
