just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
