just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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