She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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