i was rollin on her like bob the builder
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
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