Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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