you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
