i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
