You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
