my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
