I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
