Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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