i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i think i have herpe
just one?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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