There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
