I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
