I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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