So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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