I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
