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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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