JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
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Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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