I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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