and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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