New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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