marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
