If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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