Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i already hear my dad disowning me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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