i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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