I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
