god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
