Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.