areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
