It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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