this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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