what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
