win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
