my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
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while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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