But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
