I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
