I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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