I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
