She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
