If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
