I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
