My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
