Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm at about main and main street
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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