i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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