time to smoke my breakfast
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
