babies were throwing up all over the place
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
