Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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