I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize