even my farts smell like vagina
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
