Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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