Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
