when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize