Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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